The Anti Blog – I Hate Routine

02Dec09

I think I came to the conclusion early on in life that I wasn’t particularly cut out for the whole cubicle-working-nine-to-five regimen that seems so pervasive in our society. I’ve always (with the exception of a couple years where I thought working for ESPN would be fun) wanted to be self-employed. When I was seven I started my first “business”… Eagle Wing Sports Shop… which generally consisted of me “selling” my collection of Sports Cards out my bedroom window… to myself mostly. Perhaps not the greatest example of a business plan primed for success though I still hope to follow that dream someday… sooner than later.

I generally have followed the mainstream MEHHH for jobs – mostly from seeing how THE MAN finds ways to intentionally screw his employees over. Intentionally underpaid and overworked souls don’t get much sympathy these days because we’ve all become them. Generally I hate the doldrums of regimen… the lack of something new invading an orthodox situation. So here’s my top 10 list of things I’ve done at work in the past (employer names are excluded to protect the criminal parties) 😛

10 ) Dressed as “The Man from Snowy River” for Halloween at a Grocery Store – not so odd until you realize I was wearing a short sleeve t-shirt and working as the Frozen Foods Department manager. Saddest part is how few people knew who the character was when I explained my garb. Maybe they were stuck on the short sleeves vs. freezer displays part

9 ) Practice Michael Jackson dance moves while running errands for the boss.

8 ) Made a Starbuck’s slushy by mixing coffee with non dairy cake icing, sticking it in the work freezer and returning to stir it every 30 minutes.

7 ) Danced like a fool in the rain while everyone waited out the storm inside.

6 ) Rescued three hopelessly lost frogs only to find two of them flat as paper later.

5 ) Tested and so far nobody has disproved this… the hypothesis that nobody can outrun their own spit.

4 ) Ask coworkers for their autograph on assigned paperwork… then review their technique and form compared to professional athletes. One guy was really complemented to hear he had a similar style to Nene of the Denver Nuggets… he didn’t know that wasn’t a complement.

3 ) Danced inside two different walk in freezers… okay whatever my life is a music video whether or not you can hear the music I hear 😛

2 ) One day during a particularly slow shift I wrote out an entire intro monologue for a horror/sci-fi idea and accidentally forgot the sheet along with my paperwork… one of my supervisors found it later and thought someone was writing him a really threatening letter. Yikes… be more careful with your placement of paper next time matt! (And I figured if someone found it the words “too creepy maybe?” with an arrow pointing at an intense part would explain the fictitious nature of it)

1 ) On my last day of work at one job, I dissected stickers labeled “Bypass” to remove the “BYP” and stuck them all over in hidden yet obvious places. I have since looked and can’t for the life of me find more “bypass” stickers online ANYWHERE

What are some of your favorite ways to pass time at work – maybe your boss knows and laughs it off or maybe you hide it… Share it in a comment!

I Hate/Loathe/Despise/Abominate and Abhor something new each week. Check back next Wednesday to read another pseudo angsty hot topic t-shirt sounding blog post about my distastes!



One Response to “The Anti Blog – I Hate Routine”

  1. I’m quite impressed that you (or frankly, anyone in America) knows The Man From Snowy River.


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