Love during the End of the World

21Nov09

Booga+Tank Girl

Have you made a pact with that special someone to be with them until the end of the world? If you plan on sticking by that pact but just can’t stand your partner anymore, you have a couple options: Suck it up and break your word or just wait for the end of the world.

Sure, the first is fraught with the perils of terror and tears, stalking and sadness, but can be done in a clean way leaving both sides better off to lead their lives.

Waiting for the end of the world, on the other hand, is tricky business. Unless you’re a supervillain or have access to some sort of Weather Dominator (you know who you are..) you’re probably going to have to actually wait for the end as opposed to bringing it about yourself.

Fortunately, the year is 2009, and according to the Mayans and the coming movie 2012, not to mention the scads and scads of books on the subject, you might only have to wait another three years.

Though, that’s only for the actual end of the world. Nobody knows what will come after, so, here are some tips if you and your sweetie are amongst the last few people alive on earth.

1. Lube Lots of Lube

In the post apocalyptic future there might not be a ton of water (la Tank Girl) so stock up lube, if you like water based lubes. Also do not forget beer it may get you out of some tough situations.

2. Don’t Waste time on the dvd collection.
Power goes out, batteries die. Electronics require a power source . You would be better off with books. Reading is a lost art. Nothing says sexy like reading erotica to your lover.

3. Do move to a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Seriously, Zombies. Remember block off stairs. Keep the lift’s doors open, thus stopping zombies riding up. But providing you with quick exits. Think Omega man.

With everybody gone, prime real estate opens up. If Dungeons & Dragons has taught us anything, its this: When people die you take their stuff! So, move far above the ground. It’s not time to steal a big screen, its time to raid the pantries and closets!

Doomed love...

4. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT get to attached to new companions!

Inevitably you will encounter other survivors. Do not get attached, sure they’re nice. But, if these end of the world movies have taught us anything, it’s you will have to kill off one or more of your new friends! Always remember its you and your sweetie first, forever.

Now I must go loot my local Borders..Catch you later.
Hopefully.



One Response to “Love during the End of the World”

  1. 1 noel

    good advise..i’ll keep them in mind


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