Loving The Dead (Technically…) Pt One


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Vampires are everywhere these days. It’s seems you can’t throw a dead cat without hitting one. Personally, I don’t understand the appeal. You’re limited to night life, they can’t enjoy taking photos with you, and don’t even get me started on the horrendous meal planning, not to mention the whole blood thing.


That’s the truth, but in case you want to attract the undead person of your dreams here are some helpful tips. Folklore can be hard to sort through and Hollywood just gets it wrong!

Over the next few weeks I will help you identify, lure,  and yes even explore your potential mate’s life style, concluding with a piece on “The New Vampire.”

First let’s look at some ways you can adapt to dating the undead. It’s never easy, and these are just a few tips.

Remember not all goths are vampires and vice versa.  Playing The Cure while talking about your interpretation of Dracula is not the surest way to land a vampire. In fact it may not even land you a goth kid, unless you happen to be standing in front of a Hot Topic store.

Avoid heavy garlic and salty foods. It was once said there were no Italian vampires.

It’s not exactly sure why garlic affects vampires. Salt, by its very nature is said to keep evil spirits away. Don’t scare off your potential sweetie by consuming too much of these.

There’s no such thing as an undead lover’s cruise. No matter what anyone tells you they can’t cross water. Let alone salt water. Unless they are technically dead, which does not make for a good date! If that’s your thing, you’re reading the wrong column.

Religious tokens are hit or miss, unless your bloodsucking beau-to-be is a devout christian, your cross necklace won’t give him fits. Same with holy water, supposing you could actually find genuinely blessed water.

If you’re not already a night owl, now would be the time to switch your schedule at work, take some night classes and sleep in all day with the shutters drawn. While some of your walking undead have no aversion to sunlight, most do and if it’s not lethal, it’s not very beneficial either.

Those are just some of the basics of what affects/doesn’t affect a Vampire. Now that you should be able to approach one of these creatures of the night, we’ll come back next time with how to spot and approach the dead of your dreams.

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